12.8.09
15.2.09
12.2.09
10.1.09
5.1.09
30.9.08
6.9.08
28.8.08
29.6.08
guts_and_gore
guts_and_gore
I have to be aware of where I have come from. I am twenty–five.
My mother is an actress.
My mother is a teacher.
My mother had breast cancer.
My mother is an alcoholic.
My mother gave too much.
My mother is a victim.
My mother is a martyr.
My mother cannot say no.
My mother is weary.
My mother is my hero.
My father is an artist.
My father is a business man.
My father had a stroke at birth.
My father is a writer.
My father reads The Age everyday.
My father is a tyrant.
My father is a stay-at-home dad.
My father is a grammar school boy.
My father is a public school boy.
My father is wise.
I have come from a privileged background.
I have had everything made available to me.
My parents are still married.
I have had Shakespeare and Beckett on the bookshelves all my life.
My parents are university educated.
I have been overseas.
I am an only daughter with three younger brothers.
Somehow, my brothers were left behind in class.
I have not had to share a bedroom.
I was private school educated.
I have always been surrounded by what my father considers art.
I never have gone cold or hungry.
I have not had to provide for my family.
I have had a job since I was thirteen.
I have seen my mother in hospital.
I have seen my mother in a divisional van.
I have seen my father’s paintings on walls in public places.
I have seen my father struggle with disability.
I am father’s temper and my mother’s poison.
I have to be aware of where I have come from. I am twenty–five.
My mother is an actress.
My mother is a teacher.
My mother had breast cancer.
My mother is an alcoholic.
My mother gave too much.
My mother is a victim.
My mother is a martyr.
My mother cannot say no.
My mother is weary.
My mother is my hero.
My father is an artist.
My father is a business man.
My father had a stroke at birth.
My father is a writer.
My father reads The Age everyday.
My father is a tyrant.
My father is a stay-at-home dad.
My father is a grammar school boy.
My father is a public school boy.
My father is wise.
I have come from a privileged background.
I have had everything made available to me.
My parents are still married.
I have had Shakespeare and Beckett on the bookshelves all my life.
My parents are university educated.
I have been overseas.
I am an only daughter with three younger brothers.
Somehow, my brothers were left behind in class.
I have not had to share a bedroom.
I was private school educated.
I have always been surrounded by what my father considers art.
I never have gone cold or hungry.
I have not had to provide for my family.
I have had a job since I was thirteen.
I have seen my mother in hospital.
I have seen my mother in a divisional van.
I have seen my father’s paintings on walls in public places.
I have seen my father struggle with disability.
I am father’s temper and my mother’s poison.
18.5.08
21.4.07
21.3.07
29.1.07
Sheok
lips part for another.
breath
and i.
have bolted
bursting through flywire.
dirt tracks
bracken bark bush.
the dark . at last.
pushing at my skin.
11.1.07
7.1.07
25.12.06
12.12.06
26.11.06
chickens can't fly.
"can you get mum?"
~
standing in the cold on that screeming road in azamino.
standing in every piece of warm clothes i took to japan with me.
standing at the phone box outside the convenience store.
dusk.
standing one week two weeks three weeks in japan.
mother i am scared.
just get through each day.
one at a time.
one at a time and now they are gone.
one at a time and they keep coming.
days and weeks.
days and days.
days and years.
Sleep
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Every night Laminex coats
Floor wall ceiling wall
Floor wall ceiling wall
Floor wall ceiling wall
Gum pushed and smoothed
Into the underside of a desk
Demented body on the Gravatron wall
Fluorescent light ebbs
Over your forehead
Washing hair from your scalp
Nausea pulls at your eyes
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Nothing behind the doors
Just gummy walls
A child stands exhausted
Grips a doll by the leg
Belts its gummy face
Against the gummy wall
Picks up its limp head
Sees a perfect little smirk
Sees dazzling eyes
And tries again
A sign hangs
From the ceiling
A step away
A mile away
A step away
A mile away
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Do not sit on the seat
It is not there
Nothing you want is there
Nothing there is there
Except Laminex
Looking at you
The way the fat boy did
In grade four
Before he fell on you
Grunting your name
Floor wall ceiling wall
Floor wall ceiling wall
Floor wall ceiling wall
Smothering
Trapped in the tubular slide
At the playground
Static stuffed in your pores
Hair clinging to your face
There was no way in
There is no way out
Noise
Machine din
A step away
A mile away
A step away
A mile away
A droning
A voice
Droning
Words
Words
Words
A step away
A mile away
A voice
In the distance
And then
Nothing
Endless hallways
Corridors passages
Tunnels a maze a lair
Endless hallways
And the voice far away
My voice
These walls puddle and purr
They ripple
Into words
And noise
Glass bottles clink
Fridge din computer din
Cutlery and lawnmowers
The rattle subsides
A warm hum
A warm mum
Pins a child into bed
These walls swell
And fizz with words
Words on the wall
Words
Words
We used to fit like a puzzle we used to play we used to fight like children we used to play in the rain we used to fall and fly in the wind we invented her face we wandered we wondered we stole her rose petals and ate them we used to run and run we found her photo in the bushes by the beach we used to hide and run and hide we used to mime we used to watch we used to care we used to cry we used to scream we could sleep we used to sleep we used to sleep we used to hear we used to see we used to sleep we used to dream we used to sleep
To be continued.
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Every night Laminex coats
Floor wall ceiling wall
Floor wall ceiling wall
Floor wall ceiling wall
Gum pushed and smoothed
Into the underside of a desk
Demented body on the Gravatron wall
Fluorescent light ebbs
Over your forehead
Washing hair from your scalp
Nausea pulls at your eyes
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Nothing behind the doors
Just gummy walls
A child stands exhausted
Grips a doll by the leg
Belts its gummy face
Against the gummy wall
Picks up its limp head
Sees a perfect little smirk
Sees dazzling eyes
And tries again
A sign hangs
From the ceiling
A step away
A mile away
A step away
A mile away
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Door wall door seat
Do not sit on the seat
It is not there
Nothing you want is there
Nothing there is there
Except Laminex
Looking at you
The way the fat boy did
In grade four
Before he fell on you
Grunting your name
Floor wall ceiling wall
Floor wall ceiling wall
Floor wall ceiling wall
Smothering
Trapped in the tubular slide
At the playground
Static stuffed in your pores
Hair clinging to your face
There was no way in
There is no way out
Noise
Machine din
A step away
A mile away
A step away
A mile away
A droning
A voice
Droning
Words
Words
Words
A step away
A mile away
A voice
In the distance
And then
Nothing
Endless hallways
Corridors passages
Tunnels a maze a lair
Endless hallways
And the voice far away
My voice
These walls puddle and purr
They ripple
Into words
And noise
Glass bottles clink
Fridge din computer din
Cutlery and lawnmowers
The rattle subsides
A warm hum
A warm mum
Pins a child into bed
These walls swell
And fizz with words
Words on the wall
Words
Words
We used to fit like a puzzle we used to play we used to fight like children we used to play in the rain we used to fall and fly in the wind we invented her face we wandered we wondered we stole her rose petals and ate them we used to run and run we found her photo in the bushes by the beach we used to hide and run and hide we used to mime we used to watch we used to care we used to cry we used to scream we could sleep we used to sleep we used to sleep we used to hear we used to see we used to sleep we used to dream we used to sleep
To be continued.
Delivery
~ For Patrick Lindsay Dowling.
Delivery.
Almost morning
But warm
This time
He is here to see a boy
The bush hums
It hisses
It clicks
The long grass ticks
It buzzes
It sweats
A dark stream meanders
Along the edge
Potters under hanging leaves
Slips over soaking branches
And bubbles at the rocks
He swims his feet in the water
He has come far
To find the boy
He has come far
To hunt the boy
To hurt the boy
He lingers
Under a river gum
Waiting
Dark damp earth
Blue dim before dawn
The sun arrives
He scurries
Through shadows
Under trees
To the house
To stay
He will not go away
Yanks the curtains closed
Opens his old bag
It wafts
Stale earth damp wood off potato morning breath
He spills the bag
Before the boy
Crisp white sheets bleed grey
The boy lies
In the dark
Shadows
Dance
Over him
They whisper
About tomorrow
Someone will frame the sky
And tell them you’re not home.
Delivery.
Almost morning
But warm
This time
He is here to see a boy
The bush hums
It hisses
It clicks
The long grass ticks
It buzzes
It sweats
A dark stream meanders
Along the edge
Potters under hanging leaves
Slips over soaking branches
And bubbles at the rocks
He swims his feet in the water
He has come far
To find the boy
He has come far
To hunt the boy
To hurt the boy
He lingers
Under a river gum
Waiting
Dark damp earth
Blue dim before dawn
The sun arrives
He scurries
Through shadows
Under trees
To the house
To stay
He will not go away
Yanks the curtains closed
Opens his old bag
It wafts
Stale earth damp wood off potato morning breath
He spills the bag
Before the boy
Crisp white sheets bleed grey
The boy lies
In the dark
Shadows
Dance
Over him
They whisper
About tomorrow
Someone will frame the sky
And tell them you’re not home.
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